Ladies, is it true? Is it really that bad? Love to hear your comments.
Drew
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Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Online Dating from a Woman's Perspective
Thank you to one of our readers who pointed me to the great web series MERRIme depicting some of the dating trials and tribulations women go through, particularly online dating.
Ladies, is it true? Is it really that bad? Love to hear your comments.
Drew
Follow our tweets on Twitter and our
Ladies, is it true? Is it really that bad? Love to hear your comments.
Drew
Follow our tweets on Twitter and our
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Sadly, it is true, Drew. On-line dating is not all that it’s cracked up to be. I don’t mean to offend anyone who has had successful relationships develop from on-line dating, but it definitely was not my cup of tea. I tried e-harmony for 4 months, and it was a waste of my time.
ReplyDeleteIt used to be that only women were viewed as being desperate, but I’ve met my share of desperate men on-line. A lot of them wanted a commitment right away, especially if they felt like their biological clock is ticking. Yes, ladies, men have a biological clock too. If they’re in their mid to late 30’s or 40’s and are single and never married, they want to settle down and have kids – very quickly. A few of the men I went out with were so physically aggressive, I almost wished I had some mace on me to ward them off.
Then, of course, there are the guys who request communication with you and after the first open communication disappear without letting you know they’ve moved onto other matches or they wish to close communication with you. But, you’ve spent about a week with each one, sending information back and forth already.
On-line dating has really taken a toll on traditional dating etiquette. What happened to the chivalry or courtship phase of dating? I don’t feel people are as serious on-line or try very hard because if one match doesn’t work, there’s 30 other matches sitting on your queue or hundreds more you can search, depending on the website. Before the era of on-line dating, your opportunities to meet people were more limited, so if you met someone you liked, there was some level of commitment to get to know the person because you didn’t know when it would be before you met someone else you liked.
The bottom line is: on-line dating feels unnatural, can be dangerous (as I have experienced first hand), and really becomes ineffective when everyone tends to date 3-5 people at the same time to increase their chances, but diluting the opportunity to get to know one person really well.
I’m back to the traditional method of meeting people, and as far as I’m concerned, as long as you stay happy and active, fate will have a way of bringing the right person to you. That is, you have to recognize it when that person presents himself or herself to you. Otherwise, it just becomes a missed opportunity.
Dear Sally,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. As an early-30s male, I am in full agreement that men do have "biological" clocks as well. After all, most of us (the normal and dateable ones at least) are well on our career-track by this point, have had a fair share of relationships/dating, and thus have a good idea of what we want. By natural progression, domesticity is the next step for the general male population.
Having established this as a shared trait in both genders, it is not surprising to hear your experiences. However, judging from your post, I think we are on the same page that while intense discussion of the future is not advisable during initial dates, it may still be wise to approach dating with some foresight (i.e., evaluating whether your date has potential mate characteristics earlier on in the courtship phase) and some degree of candor about what "stage in life" you are at if things do go well. At the end of the day though, compatibility and shared values are still the main driver that should dictate whether you progress beyond dating, not the need to settle down.
In terms of online dating, I do agree that it allows men to become rich, tall, handsome men and women to be beautiful, smart, and sexy. By that I mean it gives everybody the burden of choice in date selection that was once reserved for the upper echelon of the dating world. Whether this is good or bad is beyond this blog comment, but it does definitely lend itself to the behavior of people being inconsistent with communication. *sigh* Now you all know the burdens I've had for years...that was a joke by the way...remember laughter is the way to a girl's heart.
Sounds like your desires to go back to the traditional method of dating (meeting people in real life) in a modern world is a perfect fit for SecondConnection though. Like you said perfectly at the end, you'll never miss an opportunity again...save some money on mace and communicate without exchanging personal information on our site.
Good luck,
Drew